Regardless of whether or not you set new year resolutions, there’s no denying that this time between Christmas and the start of the new year is a natural time to reflect on where we’ve been and imagine where we’d like to be. If you’re like me, you do it every year. So take a moment right now and reflect: Are you better off than you were a year ago? (I mean, that’s the goal, right?) Are you on an upward trajectory?
If that’s not the case, if you’re not better off than you were a year ago, if you’re not continuing to evolve with each trip around the sun, if right now isn’t the best era of your life, you need to keep reading.
What do you want for yourself? Who do you want to be a month from now, three months from now, a year from now? What I find in my work is that most of us want more joy, more purpose, more meaning, and more connectivity. But a lot of us don’t know that’s what we want.
A couple of years ago, I sent out a survey to my yoga students. The first question was: What do you desire most in terms of your health? The two most popular answers to that question were losing weight and eating a healthier diet. Other answers, in order of popularity, were aging well, sleeping well, and reducing or eliminating specific issues or symptoms. I would imagine, had I listed it as an option, some would have also answered building a healthier immune system.
Along with those physical issues are usually some mental and emotional issues: you want to experience less stress and overwhelm and you want to feel better about yourself. Maybe it’s even deeper than that. I’ve been taught that you need burrow down about five layers to discover the why behind the why behind the why behind the why . . . but more about that some other time. Right now, I’m interested in this question:
If, one year ago, you would have answered my survey with any of the above answers and if now, one year later, you have not made any progress towards those goals, you need to take a moment (or several) and investigate: What is keeping you from reaching your goals? What is keep you from realizing your desires?
It’s easy to make excuses. “I’m too busy working/taking care of kids/taking care of parents, etc.” What this means is that you’re busy taking care of everyone except yourself. And the result of that is that there is less and less of you to go around. No one is getting the full benefit of your time, your attention, and your care. In fact, they might start to sense some frustration, maybe even resentment, from you. If this sounds accusatory, it isn’t. I’m speaking from my own experience. I’ve been there!
So if you know that taking better care of yourself will allow you to be more responsive, more thoughtful, and more caring with the other people in your life, then what is the REAL reason you haven’t committed wholeheartedly to your own evolution toward health and happiness?
My guess is it’s not a lack of information. We all know what we SHOULD be doing. In fact, there are a ton of diets and programs out there that will get you where you want to go, at least in the short term (i.e. not all programs are sustainable). Most of them will scratch the surface of your needs: you might lose 10 pounds; you might start exercising more. But if you’re looking for deep, integrative, lifelong health evolution you need two things: a comprehensive plan and group of supportive people headed in the same direction you want to go. Of the two, the second will make the biggest difference.
In the past, I tried going it alone. And at times, when I was really motivated, I made some progress. But motivation waxes and wanes. As humans, we’re not wired for constant motivation. What we are wired for is connection, deep connection with other humans. We want to be a part of something. We want to feel like we belong. We NEED to feel supported.
So often, when I meet with people one on one about their health goals, I hear, “I need someone to hold me accountable.” These individuals understand that peer support is crucial to hitting their goals. They know that groups evolve faster than individuals. They also know that you can’t just throw a random group of people together and expect to evolve. The people in the group have to have the same level of desire to go where you want to go, and someone in the group needs to be a few steps further along the path than the others.
There’s a theory floating around out there that you are an average of the five people you spend the most time with. Take a moment and think about who that is for you. Are those five people influencing you in a good way? Are they on the path you want to be on? Or do you need to meet new people and cultivate new relationships?
If the latter is true, contact me! My Body Wisdom health coaching group is full of women who are on a growth path, who are committed to becoming better versions of themselves, who support each other 110% every day. If that sounds like where you need to be, I’ll sit down with you one on one to see if you’re a good fit for our group. If you are, I promise, one year from now, if you commit to the process, if you allow me and your mentors and your peers to hold you accountable, you’ll be able to look back in astonishment at how far you’ve come.
I hope to hear from you.
Angela